“Platonic love is love from the neck up.” – Tbyra Samter Winslow

We’ve seen this in the movies – guy meets girl, they become best friends, and then, when one of them gets involved in a relationship with another person the other develops a secret crush on them and eventually falls in love. In the end, the friend who is in the relationship finally realizes that the best friends should be in a relationship after all. Such TV shows and movies always have a large audience base, creating quite a niche. But is being friends with someone you are romantically or sexually attracted to, without these romantic entanglements, possible in real life?

I have a friend in my life who I am sexually attracted to, but I made a choice not to cross the boundary of our friendship. If I had crossed the line, I would’ve never had the benefit of having a beautiful, healthy bond that has endured over the years.

Men and women have been living, working, and playing together since the beginning of time, and it is inevitable that we will interact with one another. At school, we tend to form our own groups and mingle with people who have similar interests to us. At a young age, it is common for boys to be socialized to play with boys and girls to be socialized to play with girls. When puberty hits, we start to look for potential partners, and romantic feelings begin to form for some of for the opposite sex.

When we are looking to form friendships with others, we’re looking for someone who we “click” with. “Clicking” with someone sparks a tendency to want to spend more time with one another. It may be common interests, shared activities, or other qualities or traits that make us want to spend time with someone more than others, encouraging us to develop a friendship. Interestingly, and not surprisingly, these are the same reasons we might find for wanting to start a romantic relationship with someone, with the added caveat that there is a degree of romantic or sexual attraction. So, we have to ask, if there is a romantic or sexual attraction present between friends, are the just friends? Can they stay within the boundaries of friendship without it turning into a romantic relationship?

By definition, a friendly attraction is a bond, devoid of lust and sexual relations. It remains a friendship throughout the relationship but can become a romantic or sexual relationship if a line is crossed. On the two sides of the line are (1) platonic friendship, where simple companionship is allowed; and (2) romantic relationships where, in addition to friendship, romantic or sexual relations are permitted.

Four ways to stay in the platonic friend zone

1. Make every attempt to view your friend as a family member. Do not engage in any inappropriate physical situations.

2. Limit the amount of one on one meetings. When attending events, bring other people.

3. If the friend is currently in a relationship (or married), do not disrespect his or her partner. Reduce or discontinue communication until the other person feels comfortable with you.

4. Do not engage in sexual relations of any kind. The moment the relationship becomes sexual, it’s next to impossible to bring it back to a platonic friendship.

So, whether two people who are sexually attracted to one another can maintain a platonic friendship isn’t a yes or no question. It really depends on the parties involved and whether they decide to cross that line. If both friends choose not to cross the line between platonic friendship and romantic relationship, then yes, they can remain friends. But beyond that, it gets complicated and is something we must all be mindful of.